Dimples turns four tomorrow. We made it another year. Healthy. Intact. Whole. All which are blessings.
We made a lot of memories. Many, many things happen from three to four. Here is what I wrote to her on her last night of three:
My dear, lovely Dimples,
This was a big year. You are such a funny, caring, genuine soul. I worried about how my heart would make equal room for you when it was so full of lessons on love from life with your sister. I was worried that my heart would not know you the same way. Then you came and my second born began to teach me more about motherhood. You proved my heart has infinite capacity to love. It expanded effortlessly. Instant and without pause you too became a piece of my heart living outside of my body. I didn’t have to worry about making room for you. Your space was already there. This time… this time I didn’t need to learn about recognizing it. I had four years of becoming a mom and being yours was natural. It was a nice thing lesson. Dimples, you still teach me everyday, little one. I would be so lost without your little crooked grin and infectious laugh. It is hard to imagine there was a time before you were here clucking like a chicken and climbing everything in sight.
This year we covered so much ground. I made a small list. Here we go:
We went from you still wearing diapers to now only underwear. You did it despite the fact you weren’t that interested in making the transition. We can do hard things together.
You started preschool. I love where we send you. In the small class room of toys and toddler sized tables you are preparing for Kindergarten and making your own friends. It is nice to see you on your own making your own space in the world.
We discovered you have a deep love for fashion. Almost everyday you wear a dress, tights and dress shoes. You like to wear one left shoe from one pair of shoes and a right shoe from another. It has become your trademark to mix and match. Because I know eventually you’ll wear two shoes that are some pair, I let you. One day, you won’t want to dress like that. Just as Miss M stopped wearing crowns and capes. Be little and be yourself. It is a good look on you. 🙂
Make up. You have deep love for make up. Except you like to break the rules. You have a touch of wild woman. You smear lipstick in your eyebrows and rub body glitter where you please. You mix the color palettes to to have a little of every color brandished on your face. Sometimes you make an effort to have some polka dots on your cheeks. You beam as you dip brushes in all the colors and mix things up. Covered in a thick layer of glittery, powdery mess, you are so happy. You’ll need some reckless abandon in life. Keep doing the things that make you beam like playing with make up does. That is the real beauty in this whole thing.
Your past times have included playing with slime and play doh. You love to mold and cut and create. Lately, you will go and dig in the dirt for hours. Making mud”chocolate” with a sand shovel, watering can and bucket. Your princes dress is covered in dirt. You’ll play with babies and Barbies. You like a little game we call, “Mad Mom” where you pretend to be me. You repeat some of my finer moments in a hilarious imitation of me all fired up. It is humbling and the funniest thing all at once. You love to sing. Sometimes just softly to yourself. You love to watch favorite parts of movies. Again and again and again.
You still wrap your arms tight around my neck. That space is my favorite. Your head nestled in my the slope of my neck meeting my shoulder and thin arms holding on. I can breathe you in. You no longer carry the sweet smell of baby, but every so often I can recall it. That space is where I feel grace and God and love. Right there in tiny arms tight around my neck everything scared comes into focus. You are love. You are focus. You are grace. You are forgiveness. You are what teaches me to pay attention.
I am so excited to see what happens while you are four. Here’s to your next chapter.
Happy, happy birthday Dimples. Mom loves you with every fiber of my ever expanding heart.