I waited a long time for my Ex to give me a ring. To be able to proclaim, “I’m engaged!,” get married, and live a more publicly honest, happy life together. We eloped in Vegas on the promise of a real engagement and wedding. I waited. And waited. And, well, found disappointment. Which, well, ended up being pretty much a small thing in the face of finding out he was an addict. A pregnancy, shitty divorce, foreclosure, bankruptcy, some slashed tires and such later… I came out the other side.
I started this blog… as notes on Facebook. Started to date… simply to feel something different. Never to find a new husband. I just was searching for a family. For Miss M. No specific type of family. Certainly not a husband. And I knew to get there, well, I had to begin somewhere. So I dated. I had planned for a lot of bad dates. I had wanted my youth’s worth. Married at 21… had me out of the game before I even knew how to play.
Yet, a year after, I ended things with my first love, I found myself reluctantly in deep with Match. A few kisses, one penis, and a small handful of men between him and my Ex. What I thought would surely be a terrible date… turned into the last first date I likely will ever have.
A friend once told me, “You’re not the girl a person dates, Lori. You’re the one they marry.” He might have been on to something.
Match gets me. Whether that’s a complicated thing to accomplish or not– I’m not sure. But he does get me. In a scary way. Because he totally digs it all. When we started this thing four years ago, he prefaced it very clearly with a few things: I own guns, I don’t want more kids, and I don’t plan to ever marry. Four years into this thing… We have changed two out of the three. Time moves mountains. And apparently convictions. On both sides. Because I never thought I’d have a “yes” in me again. I thought that part died. Yet, like many things, Match constant, steady, annoyingly persistent… breathed a little life into me. Made me softer.
So on March 13th, while out to dinner with some friends, Match asked me a question. The question. And I’m pretty sure I yelled at him for the time/place/surprise more than just saying “yes.” But I put the ring on. It took me a few months of wearing the past-present-future diamond, but tonight, I think we covered 90% of notifying people. And while there are no official wedding plans to date (I mean, really, it seems like a lot of work AND a good amount of money for one day)… that’s a whole other blog entirely, I’m okay with letting the cat-out-of-the-bag publicly.
At some point, in the future, when we get to it, I’ll be Mrs. Match. I think this is forever guys. I think this is happiness. I think this is ever lasting. And I think I meant it… like vow-worthy, ride-or-die, let’s-have-deductions-together way.. when I said, “Yes.” He’s it. He’s my Match. And sometime in the future, he’ll be my Mister. And while it won’t change a thing, it will also change everything at the same time.
So, in the end, I’m going to finish what I started. Making a family. I found that. I built one. One day at a time. And its pretty great. Even on the days I think I might actually get driven crazy. On the days we don’t agree. On the days of exes, and coordination, and, well, life with a modern family is in full force. We are still all in it together.
I mean the truth is, I married Match a long time ago in my heart and mind. He’s my husband in all but title. But there is something be said about his want to have it witnessed. To make it public. To have it officiated in the eyes of our family, friends, and the law. So there you have it. A little time, a leap of faith, and here I am: a fiancee.