My oldest is well past her 100th day in Kindergarten. The very first in a long series of years. And, honestly, why I have no doubts that Miss M is ready for everything public school is piling on our plates, I have my doubts about whether I am ready.
1. My six year old asked me what “sexy” means. Now, we by no means live in a bubble and I use my own collection of choice words. Yet, when I was asked to define sexy to my six year old, I was caught off guard. I told her it means pretty, but not in a nice way. It is a word that only speaks about how you look on the outside. I told her pretty is more than what you look like. It is about who you are as a person. I hope that it is enough. That she will understand.
I guess, in retrospect, I can see the humor in it. It will make a cute story. However, I am up to my eyeballs in blended sounds, grouping numbers by ten, and learning to write out words. Now, I have to worry about what the world is teaching her about herself. About relationships between friends, between boys and girls, between developing your own beliefs and feelings independent from your peers… I have to worry that among all these lessons she’s inundated with, that she’ll also learn to care about things like “sexy,” “hot,” and “cute.” Labels. it is important to feel pretty. To feel beautiful. And when the time does come, to feel sexy. But darlings, your peers are just throwing around labels. You are a sum of your words, your actions, and your beliefs. You are inherently beautiful without anyone’s approval or opinion. You can’t be labeled even though you’ll see it out in the world. Its one of those lies we created way back when. There just is not a single standard for beauty or sexy. Don’t fall for it.
Six years into the world and we are already discussing sexy. Kindergarten is requiring some mighty mom A-game.
2. I drove in the prohibited lane by accident at school drop off. I did! But I thought, because everyday other parents use the lane, that the drop off was two lanes. We had pulled into the line and a classmate of Miss M was walking. She hopped out at the beginning of the car drop off to walk with them. Thinking I was suppose to get out of the drop off lane, I pulled out into the second lane, and committed a drop off felony. We are months into school. How did I not know this!? Why am I so bad at this? Will it get easier?
3. Homework. Yes, there is homework. And here is the kicker: Some days, I don’t know how to do kindergarten homework. What the hell is a blended sound and how on earth do we document it on a stupid double sided paper? What is a math sentence!? And so we wing it and make a best guess. I think grade school needs to come with a one hour class for parents so we understand what the hell we are suppose to be doing. Or at least to boost our confidence. I mean seriously! How great can I feel about myself when I am struggling with homework assigned to five and six year old kids? It is funny and sad all at once.
I am telling you this Kindergarten thing is a hard adjustment. For parents and for our kids. A few more months lie between now and summer. I think we are making it. I think we are succeeding. Even if I am making it up as we go along.