May of 2014 I started to write this. Kindergarten is here. Superman capes have gone to the wayside. Yet, we had a giraffe mask, princess crowns, and a homemade pilgrim hat. There is some littleness left to savor. Now many months later, I figured I should finish:
Today I dropped off Miss M to preschool. It is the end of year. It is near the end of her time there as well. Next year she’ll belong to Kindergarten five days a week. And my baby will begin the long process where she ends up gone. Gone from my lap, my arms, and, at some point, my home.
Today she wore a flowered dress with mismatched flower capris. She put on a red cape (from a Superman costume) in an attempt to emulate Elsa from Frozen. She had a purse which held a stuffed elephant. She put on a headband and then a crown. I made her choose. I had to guide her somehow. Headband won.
And, I dropped her off at school. On the way home, I cried. It hit me. These days are finite. Granted there are days I wonder I’m not an alcoholic or homicidal. Because she can raise my temper to wrath of God heights in such a subtle way it catches me by surprise. And yet, she can melt me into a complete puddle of love in the same 24 hours. This is parenthood. And I appreciate my own parents so much more as I grow to understand how complex this relationship is.
My youngest just turned one. And she still smells like baby. Not as noticable as it was with my first. But it is there. And that too soon will be gone. Sigh. I really, really enjoy the baby smell. I will miss that. Missing that will make my heart ache.
How long before my oldest won’t want to leave the house in a tutu or cape or cat ears? And how much am I going to miss that? I hate knowing that their littleness is diminishing each day moment by moment. It’s bittersweet as a parent. And I am savoring the time I have. At least as much as I can. When the aren’t driving me nuts. And even I know to mentally catalogue those quirky moments… They’ll leave too soon and my fond memories and silly stories will be what I have to share.