Well, the past six months have been leading me somewhere. Maybe being present for this milestone. Being grateful we made it here. We made it happy, fulfilled and with some great adventures on the way. We made it to five healthy and alive. And tomorrow she starts real, full-day, five days a week, school. It is here. Kindergarten.
It is so bittersweet. This Kindergarten thing has me reeling in such a wonderful way. I have moments where I beam with affectionate pride. She is so ready for school. She just is. And then I have moments like now…
I packed the backpack. I set out the lunch bag. I organized and bundled the school supplies. I signed permission forms. I read about lice. I circled the few school lunches she might eat. And I made a back-to-school prop for a cute photo tomorrow. I prepared. And as I sat back to admire my hard work, to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything, I just keep tearing up in the kitchen. In short, I am going to miss her. I feel like there is a hole in my life where she used to fill up my day.
It is a little stupid. To be sad looking at a backpack. But, here I am. Moping. Tomorrow, I will smile and hug her tight. Feed her breakfast. Style her hair. Pack her lunch. Wash the dishes and wipe the floors. Take photos, Drive to school. Walk her outside. Take photos with our friends, Walk her inside and leave. I will have the gift and curse of one less kid Monday through Friday during school hours. Bittersweet.
This growing up thing is hard. On both of us. So I’ll fall a little apart tonight… so I can hold it together for her tomorrow. I have no idea how this happened when it seems I was just rocking her to sleep the other day, but it has. Blink and you miss it. They told me… but it hard to understand until these milestones come around.
Inhale. Exhale. You have a kindergartner now. I’ll be okay. It just is gonna take a while to get used to this.
Hugs to all you other back-to-school parents struggling.